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A Thousand Miles by Bek Allen - NC17 - (1/5)

A Thousand Miles
By Bek Allen

Title: A Thousand Miles
Author: Bek Allen
Rating: NC17+… It starts out all sweet, and then, my imagination kicks in.
Summary: Four months after Tabula Rasa, Buffy loves Giles. Giles loves Buffy. Giles is still living in England. Can Buffy's "meaningless noise" show Giles just how much she cares?
Spoilers: None as far as I know. BUT, unless you've never seen season six before, the whole Giles/England thing could be an issue.
Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Buffy and Giles (bummer) they belong to Joss, UPN, M.E. (Mutant Enemy) and whoever else is on the Buffy Bandwagon. 'A Thousand Miles' belongs to Vanessa Carlton, A & M Records, UMG Recordings, Inc. and Universal Music.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, Kiwnuck, Bek's Fan Alliance and if it's any good and anyone else wants it, ask first.
Feedback: PUHLEASE? Feedback gooooood. Send any feedback to the following email: nova_bek@hotmail.com. Constructive comments ONLY. No flames, no put-downs.
Notes: This is my first attempt at writing B/G fiction. Please do not smite me if it's crappy. I'll make up for it somehow. I thought a songfic would be an easy way to start. Plus, spur of the moment, yeah, thoughts just seemed to fill my head and wouldn't let me finish my other work before settling down and doing this. Also, big thanks to Sarah (Sera) for beta-ing this and making it readable!

{Song words are between these.} Italics are 'thoughts'.

A Thousand Miles.


He walked down the footpath towards his front gate. His tweed jacket slung over his arm, his tie slightly undone. Another tedious day over and done with at the new store. 'Bloody idiots. You think a word from the wise would be appreciated in this day and age.' He sighed and stopped to check the time. Still too early to call Anya and see how the Magic Box was doing. He looked out across the street; 'Anyone could be watching…waiting.' He looked curiously at an approaching truck, raising an eyebrow as it pulled up directly in front of him.

"Uh, Rupert Giles?" asked the young man as he got out of the truck.

"Yes?" He took his glasses from his coat pocket and moved to put them on.

"Great. Got a package here for you, from someone named Rayne? I took it to the address, 'Books and Shadows.' But the young girl there said to deliver it here. I hope that's okay?" He reached into the van and pulled out a small paper package.

"Y-yes. Quite all right." Giles took the clipboard and signed for it before taking the package and turning towards his house. He was exhausted. His new bookstore was coming along nicely. However, it was the rebellious fools from families such as his own that came in day after day and left him with a staggering headache.

Today was no exception. A small group interested in the dark arts came into the store asking about books of Ehygon. He'd almost had a heart attack when the young man came up to the counter to ask if they had any books on how to invoke the demon. He had promptly told them 'no', when one of his friends held up a book with instructions on how to perform the entire ritual. The youths became suspicious and began to badger him about his attempt at hiding the book.

He shook his head as he continued up the front path, pushing Ethan's package into his leather case. As he pushed the door open, he realized that something was not right. 'Oh terrific, Ethan's decided to pay me a visit.' He stepped into the hall, putting his bag on the table and grabbing the broadsword that he kept by the door for emergencies. He pushed the door shut quietly. "Ethan, if that's you, I suggest you come out before I rip your throat out." When he didn't receive an answer, he moved cautiously, further into the small house.

{Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces passed,
And I'm homebound.
Staring blankly ahead,
Just making my way,
Making my way,
Through the crowd.}

He stopped at the sound of the soft, lilting voice and the piano music. "Hello?" he called again, dropping the sword to his side. The music stopped and his pulse increased. He was NOT in the mood for dealing with singing demons today. He squared his shoulders and raised the sword, prepared to attack. The music began again.

{And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder.

If I could fall,
Into the sky,
Do you think time,
Would pass me by?
Cos you know I'd walk,
A thousand miles,
If I could just see you,
Tonight.}

The music stopped again, as if the person listening to it was also trying to listen for something else. Giles sighed, 'If it hasn't attacked now, it doesn't mean it's not waiting to hurt you on the other side of the wall.' He shook his head and took a deep breath. Then, with a short cry, stepped into the living room, sword raised and ready to slice off the demon's head.

"Giles?" cried the small blonde as she ducked out of the way.

"Buffy?" Giles asked in surprise, the broadsword falling to the floor beside him with a loud clatter.

"Giles!" She rushed him and threw her arms around him in a hug, knocking them both to the floor.

"B-Buffy?" Giles repeated, his eyes not quite believing all that was before him. He blinked his eyes, trying to distinguish reality from fantasy. The woman of his dreams was wrapped around him in a fierce hug and his living room was full of brightly burning candles.

"I've been waiting all day for you to come home." She smiled shyly as she stood, holding out a hand to help him up. "And, before you say anything, the guys are taking care of the Hellmouth for the next twelve days. So no need to get all 'sacred duty… blah blah blah' on me okay?" She looked up at him; her hazel eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Um, Buffy…" he repeated again.

"You've said that already. Twice, no, three times in fact." She looked at him and gave him her brightest smile.

'God, she could make the world warm, even on the coldest of days.' "Is, is something wrong? Is Willow…?" He looked at her questioningly.

"Nope, all under control. Willow's being a good little Wicca, Xander and Anya are still trying to organize seating for the wedding of the millennium, and Dawn and Spike are practically inseparable these days." 'Don't just look at me Giles! Hug me, hold me, please?' Her mind was a whir of excitement and happiness. "So, you gonna hug your favorite slayer hello, or just stand there like a bullfrog, all mouth open and stuff?" She held out her arms and looked at him.

"Of course." He stepped into her embrace and bent his head to press a chaste kiss to her forehead, wrapping her in a tight cuddle. "It is good to see you, Buffy. I've missed you all so much." 'And I've missed watching you and seeing your smile and lips and eyes and curves.' He pressed his cheek to the top of her head, breathing in the smell of strawberries and sugar. 'She's always smelt like this. It's as if she's just finished baking a shortcake.'

"I've…We've missed you a lot too, Giles. I've got lots to tell you. But, first I want you to hear the song I was just playing." She pulled away, searching his eyes for any indication that her feelings were not unrequited. "Then, it's time we had a really REALLY big talk." She moved over to the stereo and hit the play button.

He smiled at her as she returned to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, waiting for the music to begin. 'God, Buffy, don't do this. Not now. If you only knew the real reason behind why I left.' He argued silently with himself, hesitating before he wrapped his own arms around her slender waist and they began to sway to the music.

{Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces passed,
And I'm homebound.
Staring blankly ahead,
Just making my way,
Making my way,
Through the crowd.

And I need you,
And I miss you,}

'Giles, I love you.' Her thoughts whizzed around inside her head, trying to make sense of what she was about to do.

{And now I wonder.

If I could fall,
Into the sky,
Do you think time,
Would pass me by?
Cos you know I'd walk,
A thousand miles,
If I could just see you,
Tonight.

And though it's times like these,
And I think of you and I wonder,
If you ever think of me?}

'I think of you everyday Giles. It feels wrong and empty at home without you. And, it's NOT home unless you are there.' She sighed, the words of the song expressing everything she was feeling.

{If everything's so wrong,
And I don't belong,
Am I'm living in your,
Precious memory?

Cos I'll need you,
And I'll miss you,}

'Buffy, I'll always love you.' He closed his eyes as tears threatened to scatter across his cheeks. 'I've always loved you. I've loved you since before…before Jenny.' The tears that threatened to fall burst forth in a silent sob. She could feel his body shaking with grief, and, in turn, began to cry silent tears of her own.

{And now I wonder.

If I could fall,
Into the sky,
Do you think time,
Would pass me by?
Oh, Cos you know I'd walk,
A thousand miles,}

'I'd walk across the sun for you Buffy, if I could have your love.' He swiped at the tears that slipped down his cheeks. 'You probably have no idea that, the first time I heard this song, I instantly claimed it as ours. Yours and mine. This young girl's words are true to my heart.'

{If I could just see you,
Tonight.

And I, I, don't wanna let you know, }

'I do want to tell you Giles.'… 'Buffy, you have the right to know.' They held onto each other tightly, afraid that if they moved, they'd wake up and realize that it had all been a dream.

{I, I don't want your memory,
I, I don't wanna let this go.}

'I don't want to let YOU go Giles.' … 'I can't let you go Buffy. Not now, not ever again.' Their crying had subsided, but only for a moment before Buffy's sadness began to overwhelm her again. Her tears fell from her cheek onto the soft linen that was Giles' shirt.

{I, I don't…

Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces passed,
And I'm homebound.
Staring blankly ahead,
Just making my way,
Making a way,
Through the crowd.

And I still need you,
And I still miss you,}

'Please love me Giles. Please.' Her silent plea was lost on her lips. She moved her mouth to say something but the words that she needed to come out stayed hidden in her mind, lost amidst the words to the song she had chosen to express her love to Giles.

{And now I wonder.

If I could fall,
Into the sky,
Do you think time,
Would pass us by?
Cos you know I'd walk,
A thousand miles,
If I could just see you,

Whoa-o

If I could fall,
Into the sky,
Do you think time,
Would pass me by?
Cos you know I'd walk,
A thousand miles,
If I could just see you,
If I could just hold you,
Tonight.}

Her cheek had been pressed against his chest; her eyes had been closed tightly to avoid more tears spilling silently over her eyelids. As the music ended, she held him tighter, her Slayer strength making it almost impossible for him to breathe. "It's true, you know," she whispered, turning to bury her face in his chest.

"What is?" His hands moved up to stroke her hair.

"The song," She pulled away and looked at him again, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "I've just spent four months walking through the streets of Sunnydale in a daze. Going through life so fast that faces of people I know have just become all blurred and fuzzy. I've been struggling so hard since you left, just trying to 'make my way through the crowd.' I've become so…routine." She looked up at him and wrinkled her nose. "I eat, I sleep, I slay. Kinda like that Caesar guy, veni, vedi, vici. Only, I came, I saw, I saved the world…a lot." She felt him stiffen against her and she knew she hit a raw nerve; however, 'It had to be said.'

"You saw…" He moved from her to sit on his couch.

"Yeah, it's kinda a bit hard to miss when you have to crawl your way out of the grave. Next time I slay a newbie, I'll have a little bit more compassion for slaying him after he comes straight up from the grave." She moved to sit beside him, curling her feet under her as if she was at home.

"Willow…they never told me. I'm so sorry, Buffy." He looked at her with regret. "If I had of known…I just thought they had…that you had been…" His eyes filled with remorse and anger at being left out of the idea to bring Buffy back. "If I would of been…"

"I know, Giles. Believe me, I know. If you had of been there, things would have gone okay, but you weren't and it's not your fault." She smiled sympathetically and scooted closer to him, her hand gently patting his knee. "Well, I didn't really come here to talk about sadness. Well, maybe just a little, but I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this since before you left. Since before I was 'Joan'." She let her hand reach out and brushed a silent tear from his cheek. "Giles?"

He had been staring straight ahead. He knew that if he looked at her, he'd let go of every single emotion that he had kept hidden for almost six years. Grief, anger, happiness, love, lust, desire and joy. He'd become good at hiding his feelings from her; he had been determined to never let her see how he truly felt towards her. When she had died, he had had to leave Sunnydale because everything there reminded him of her, only to reach London and find that her memory had followed him there as well.

Her hand stayed on his cheek a moment longer, wanting to turn his head and kiss his trembling lips. She had been in love with him since the night she had died to save the world, his world. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do to save the man that had so diligently kept her alive and safe for the last five years. He'd helped her kill the Hellmouth when it threatened to destroy the world her first year in Sunnydale. Then, he'd hunted non-stop for the three months she'd run away after sending Angel to hell. He'd also been there to back her up during the mayor's ascension. He'd helped her survive her first semester of college, protecting her from vampires in her vulnerable state after that awful night with Parker.

He'd given his wisdom and strength to her when they'd had to fight Adam and his army of man-made demons. He'd also been her shoulder to lean on after Dawn found out that she was a mystical ball of energy and had tried to kill herself. Then, he'd been even more of a rock for her when her mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He'd continually been the strong one until just before the battle, when she had stepped up and given everyone their orders. Save Dawn and get out. She would be the one to deal with Glory. He had argued at first, but then gave up, knowing that it would only make her more adamant on destroying the Hell God.

"You've done so much for me, Giles. I owe you so much," she whispered more to herself then for his benefit. "I love you, Giles." She pressed her hand to his shoulder, turning him gently.

"Buffy…I…I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and leaned into the hand that was still pressed to his cheek.

"Don't be sorry. Be…be Giles. Be the man I love." His head turned and found her eyes. They held so much for someone so young. Pain, wisdom, passion, love. She blinked in an attempt to keep more tears from coursing down her cheeks, but one managed to escape and make its way slowly down to the tip of her chin.

"Y-you love me?" He looked at her askance. "But…"

"Yes, I love you. I have since the night of…well, since the night we saved the world." She looked at him, cupping his face in her hands so he couldn't turn away. "Spike told me about how I treated him like a man instead of a monster, and as I thought about it, I found that it applied to you and me as well."

"B-but, Buffy. H-how?" His hands began to fidget, not knowing whether to grab her and kiss her, or wait for this dream to sort itself out.

"Well, I'm The Slayer and everyone seems to treat that with extreme caution. The gang, they treat me like Buffy, The Slayer. I mean, if they could, they'd probably introduce me to new people as 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer.' You…you would introduce me as 'Buffy'; plain, ole Buffy." She looked in his eyes, searching for answers.

"Buffy, I…" he began. Fresh tears were starting to tumble over his eyelids and down his cheeks.

"I know, you're probably seeing Olivia again," she whispered, the name 'Olivia' leaving a distinct need to throw up in the pit of her stomach, "which is okay. I mean, it's great that you're moving on. I mean it's been forever since Ms. Calendar, and…. Oh god, it's even been forever since you and…my mom…." She continued on, dropping her hands to her lap and looking away. "I really made a fool of myself on this one, didn't I? Almost as big a fool as the 'I made Angel lose his soul' period."

Her fidgeting and sudden vulnerability made her miss his amused chuckle and the mischievous glint in his eyes. "I love you, too, you foolish girl."

Her head snapped up. "I know, Travers told us, 'With a fatherly love.' And I'm sorry. I…I should have called first, made sure you didn't have plans." She stood and walked to the door. "I…I'll be staying at the Concorde Hotel. We should catch up just before I leave." She grabbed her bag. "You can keep the c.d. I won't be listening to it anytime soon."

Giles sat there. He knew that once she turned into the hall, her body would be racked with sobs. He sat there, waiting for the sound of her hand on the doorknob before he ran to her side. "No," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. "It's not fatherly. It was never fatherly." He covered her small hand with his.

"The song," she whispered, "I did walk a thousand miles. The trip to heaven and the trip from heaven. It was a long trip. Then, I clawed my way through six feet of earth. It may not be one thousand miles, but, it feels like it." She looked up through her eyelashes, "And, I do need you, Giles. Not so much for the Mr. Responsible guy thing. Surprisingly, I'm getting good at the Sister/Mom role. I just need you to be waiting there; glasses, tweed, books, cups of tea. I even need the music at the 'Pump." He tipped her chin up.

"Tweed and all, huh?" he asked, smiling down at her.

"Yeah, tweed, stuffiness, glasses. You name it, I need it. I love you, Rupert Edward Giles." She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "See, I bet you didn't even realize that I knew that."

His look of surprise changing into a look of happiness. "I love you, Buffy, with all my heart and soul and mind. And, if you let me, I'll show you every day for the rest of our lives." He brushed her lips with his own, seeking forgiveness for his stupidity.

"Promise?" she asked, pulling back and searching his eyes for the truth. Sure enough, his sea-green eyes reflected her love.

He nodded, bending his head to kiss her again. "Stay here, please, Buffy?" he requested softly. "We can listen to that…our…song again." He pulled her back from the door and into the living room. "You really waited for me all day here?" he asked as they began to sway softly to the music.

"Yep," she replied, nodding curtly. "Read a little. Slept a little. You know, the usual stuff one does when waiting for the guy they love to get home."

He grinned, "How long did you say you were staying?"

"Twelve very long, very fun, very Hellmouth-free days." She smiled. "I decided I needed a break. The guys agreed with me."

He bent his head and kissed her again, his tongue coming out slowly to trace her lips and slowly probe her mouth. "We best not waste any time then, shall we?" He pulled her into his arms and lifted her off her feet. "What did the young girl sing?" he teased. "Oh, that's right…I want you."

"And I need you." She smiled and snuggled closer to him. They laughed and continued to move to the music. "I love you, Giles."

"I love you too, Buffy." He buried his face in her hair so she wouldn't see the tears of joy that filled his eyes. He felt her tighten her grip around his neck.

'I'm home now.' She thought as she felt his tears wet her head, 'Being with Giles IS home. And I made the thousand miles it took to get me here.' Her smile widened as the c.d. repeated itself and continued to play their song.

{Making my way downtown,
Walking fast, faces passed,
And I'm home bound.}
Tags: bek allen, nc-17, romance, season 6
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